I explored several times throughout the week the question of —<\/p>\n
No, wait.\u00c2\u00a0 Scratch that.\u00c2\u00a0 Exploration of the possibility that “self is a construct” took place several times throughout this week —<\/p>\n
No, wait.\u00c2\u00a0 The constructed self explored its own ongoing construction several times this week…<\/p>\n
Where do I stand with all this?\u00c2\u00a0 Or, perhaps, what feelings and mindstates and intentional modes cohere in relation to this question?<\/p>\n
The idea that “self is a construct” is a construct this self has become increasingly comfortable with, such that “I” wasn’t sure where to begin this week’s inquiry.\u00c2\u00a0 The easiest place to start was through the familiar practice of taking a walk at work and exploring “how” and “where” the sense of self manifested — what it was like, what was involved in that, etc.\u00c2\u00a0 As Jack suggested, this was related to looking for manifestations of a “witness,” or the feeling of “being a witness,” in the stream of experience.\u00c2\u00a0 The “I” or self seemed to manifest in this way — a feeling of being present to or an observer of whatever was arising — but also in others:\u00c2\u00a0 as the narrator (of past, present, and future).<\/p>\n
At several points, when I noticed this position or constellation of experience arising, a moment of relaxation dawned and there was a loosening of ownership.\u00c2\u00a0 This was something like moving from a 1-p perspective to a 3-p perspective: the “I” moment is seen as just one among many other moments, all arising together of their own accord.\u00c2\u00a0 The “ownership feeling” itself was not owned, but “tossed up” on the currents of mind.<\/p>\n
Jack had mentioned in the orientation that self can be seen as “that” which maintains or tries to create a sense of continuity.\u00c2\u00a0 This opened up an inquiry into continuity for me.\u00c2\u00a0 On the one hand, it was clear there wasn’t a strict continuity of “self” or “experience” — the sense of being a witness or actively directing or intending self came and went throughout the several meditative walks I took.\u00c2\u00a0 Similar to watching a feeling and noting how many moments between moments arise and “pop” the continuity, the “walking and meditating self” was a sometime-appearance, cut through with other moments of memory, attention, inattention, sensation, etc (numerous times without any sense of being an agent or owner).<\/p>\n
And yet there was continuity as well.\u00c2\u00a0 On one walk, I was carrying something in my hand.\u00c2\u00a0 After awhile, I became unconscious of carrying it, until I noticed it again.\u00c2\u00a0 It hadn’t vanished, or fallen to the ground; it was still there in my hand.\u00c2\u00a0 The “self” entered here as narrator, linking this moment to the last moment I was aware of holding the item, and then reconstructing the intervening time as a time in which “I carried this.”\u00c2\u00a0 But this is a compelling story (the item still *was* there), so what sense is there in contesting it?\u00c2\u00a0 Perhaps there isn’t a linear continuity, but there is a broad non-linear coherence of experiences and associations and moments.<\/p>\n
Reflecting on the suggestion that self arises by “looking back” at experience, I noticed also that the self constellates as a custodian of should:\u00c2\u00a0 it shows up as much in recollection as intention and projection.<\/p>\n
While I found I could “erase” the sense of self somewhat by shifting more to a 3-p process view — “such and such is happening” — I wasn’t comfortable with the success of this practice being tied to the elimination of an aspect of experience.\u00c2\u00a0 As construction, the sense of self can continue to arise without necessarily becoming ob<\/em>struction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I explored several times throughout the week the question of — No, wait.\u00c2\u00a0 Scratch that.\u00c2\u00a0 Exploration of the possibility that “self is a construct” took place several times throughout this week — No, wait.\u00c2\u00a0 The constructed self explored its own … Continue reading