For me, it is ironic that this week we return to Exercises 32 and 33.When we practised them several weeks ago, I wrote: “Seeing\/feeling ‘light’ within all…seems easy when my current life appears comfortable and non-threatening….Would it have been so easy… in the face of strong personal pain? Or in confusion?” Now I know – finding that light is definitely not easy at times at all.<\/p>\n
My husband and I live on four adjacent pieces of land which we have bought and paid off over a period of thirty years. On the block next door is my yoga centre\u00c2\u00a0in\u00c2\u00a0a 100 year old house, and we have built a large rainforest garden in the rear portion.\u00c2\u00a0This was to be our retirement haven. Last week the City Council representatives came to tell us that they\u00c2\u00a0intend to use the road next to the yoga centre as a major exit to an new city road tunnel, and widen it to seven lanes by taking over all the land on our side of the road, including the two pieces of land that my yoga centre occupies. As this would leave our own home on the edge of a major highway, we will have no option for our peace but to sell all that too and start again elsewhere.<\/p>\n
As I contemplated the destruction of all our plans and dreams, our beautiful garden and yoga studio, I alternated\u00c2\u00a0between emotional numbness and despair.\u00c2\u00a0Still in this emotional state, I tried to practise Ex. 32-33. I could see the lights of the candles, and build them up around me, but each time, in the centre, there remained a hard square black box,\u00c2\u00a0unyielding, unable to relate to the light\u00c2\u00a0– this seemed the very essence of my heart. However, as I suggested when I last wrote of my experience with his practice, after several days, a deep ‘knowing’ quality, a knowing with empathy for the world, did gradually seem to start to reassert itself – the hard edges of the blackness became less solid, a softness started to develop in the dark as I tried to continue to\u00c2\u00a0at least go through the motions of performing the exercises. I still feel inwardly focussed, like an injured animal, but begin to feel confidence that the softening will continue until the light gradually takes over within that harsh blackness, and I start to move forward again.<\/p>\n
I learn that there are certainly many forms of darkness. Not all of them are benign.<\/p>\n
Gaynor<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For me, it is ironic that this week we return to Exercises 32 and 33.When we practised them several weeks ago, I wrote: “Seeing\/feeling ‘light’ within all…seems easy when my current life appears comfortable and non-threatening….Would it have been so … Continue reading