{"id":9147,"date":"2019-02-20T10:04:43","date_gmt":"2019-02-20T18:04:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/?p=9147"},"modified":"2019-02-20T11:04:05","modified_gmt":"2019-02-20T19:04:05","slug":"another-dawning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/?p=9147","title":{"rendered":"Another Dawning"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

Photo: ‘Surface Tension’ by chriswoehrl – Pixabay
https:\/\/tinyurl.com\/y2gbnoxl
<\/p><\/div>\n

This morning, I skimmed through my journal entries since late November last year. I was looking for something that could start me on a blog for this week. But all I found was evidence that my days are an ebb and flow of family moods and a few writing projects, on behalf of which I seem to engage in more plotting than actual composition.<\/p>\n

So now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m left with a feeling of being rather uninspired; as if my boat is at anchor in the harbor and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m dreaming of voyages but haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t yet packed my bags.<\/p>\n

This feels natural, or at least an honest reflection of where life has taken me. I might as well acknowledge that I can do worse than accept the shapes and emotional oscillations of my daily engagements: interacting with family members; interacting with people who have become friends and with whom I enjoy shared interests and some history; working on a few tasks both regular and unanticipated; and doing some writing in several contexts. These provide the abiding, at least for now, opportunities to understand my life as a human being.<\/p>\n

This life is playing out through a personal consciousness, framed by a set of characteristics that seem to have become unmoored from many of the shared values that once animated them.<\/p>\n

My recent reflections don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t provide much in the way of a vision for vigorous living. And this can make me feel sad, worried and disappointed. However this condition provides evidence of an interlude from which I can notice that time is always presenting and inviting a response from me. If I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t rinse dishes for the dishwasher and fill the sink with warm, soapy water for the larger platters and pans each morning\u00e2\u20ac\u201das was the situation for people whom I have known with ALS whose limbs were frozen rigid \u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhat metronome would provide the countdown that keeps offering me a last chance to set sail?<\/p>\n

Last week, a friend gave me an article\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like to learn you are going to die\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/em>\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat shares the experience of Palliative Care Doctors with their patients. It uses the phrase \u00e2\u20ac\u0153existential slap\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to describe that moment when someone \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcfinally\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 (in both senses: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about time\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153this is the end\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) realizes that their life is almost over and there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing they can do about it.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m certainly in no hurry to find myself in that final stretch when everything I experience will be recognized as being for the last time.<\/p>\n

But this drifting among pre-established habits and joyless entertainments, between opinionated judgements and reflexive evasions, which constitute so much of my remaining time in this human body; would that I could notice more often the beauty of this planet spinning in the infinity of time and space.<\/p>\n

May there be a few more times<\/em>
\nWhen I appreciate the world rolling beneath my feet<\/em>
\nThis living planet spinning<\/em>
\nThrough an infinity of time and space<\/em>
\nThe Mother of my very being<\/em><\/p>\n

I know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll miss all this <\/em>
\nWhen I can no longer deny<\/em>
\nThat all that has been given me<\/em>
\nIs drifting away in a dream<\/em>
\nA dream that is about to end<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This morning, I skimmed through my journal entries since late November last year. I was looking for something that could start me on a blog for this week. But all I found was evidence that my days are an ebb … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[136,42,40],"tags":[219,218,40,69],"class_list":["post-9147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-01-general-tsk-discussions","category-inquiry","category-poetry","tag-death","tag-life","tag-poetry","tag-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9147","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/47"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9147"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9147\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cciforum.dreamhosters.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}