We have focused so far on the idea that the past is a story we tell, or a description we give, and that when we do this, we are denying our own freedom to bedifferently.
Here I want to make a different point, based on my experience with the exercise I suggested of simply being aware of the past dimension in everyday experience. Doing this, I discovered a certain gravity in my sense of who I am that seemed positive, at least in its consequences. This is not the past as telling, but the past as being. When I acknowledge and accept my identity, it helps me be more fully present. I “bring myself” to the situation. And with that more complete presence, I am also more aware, and have more resources to enter the next experience fully.
–Jack
I had a funny clue on the question of identity last week when I was observing another person and noticed that when she came to answer me something, as I know her fro longbefore she did I already had a good idea of how she would react and answer. Where did it come from? This idea came from considering a group of pre defined concepts and values I had unconsciously understood as hers. So, her reaction as I imagined brings the not spontaneous perception of the fact. It was expected that she would take the experience to that drawer where this kind of situation must be experienced towards that kind of answer.
I also started to think she could, probably, make the same about me, based on the vocabulary of codes I bring from previous exepriences…
This way the identity – at least the stronger aspects of it – seem to be quite visible. And I have tried to do an exercise in some tense relationships situations that maybe are related to Jack’s “more complete presence”: when I can like stop when I am inside emotional difficults with someone, and imagine this is a theatre play and I am going to sit in expectator position while the whole situation continues (I can even continue to see me as actor too, there on stage) I feel I can recognize some traces of my identity, can feel I am not fully that, that can be different, and these notions help me to feel less stressed and less impact of the whole situation.
Being aware of the past dimension is like making the experience or situation somehow bigger, in German we call it “rund”. The picture is larger up to the moment when thinking comes up. Yes it feels positive. Accepting my identity.