Jack, your remark about “wide-awake” relieves me, it´s true, I mustn´t be wide-awake always and every time. In the moment I feel (in my perception) a little reduced, like through a filter. After reading the “post” I decided: I do the practice how I am and can. This is a new alternative.
About my exercise with “Space Arising”: First – to have a (inner) dialog with my silent witnes is a revealing experience and I guess there is a close relationship between my silent witness and my self.
With the instruction to find, become a “place” it starts after some time a kind of tugging, resistance. A silent witness voice says: no, I don´t want this. Another voice: so not – I become abused. I could identify this voice out of my emotional genesis: this is the little Arthur, often a difficult, awkward boy. With this acceptance I could continue the exercise.
Yes, “become a place” seems in the heart of the source, has a center place or center quality. In the text it is called “womb of space”. This description has more space for me, “my place” has been loaded with energy. Now, I think this comes from the previous metapher: awkward (trotzig). Yes, I remained in this (old) emotion. Where ever I look to – always old stories!
Yes, it is for me a “foundational place”, very familiar, with a high level of being strong (perhaps must being strong) and this dynamic has been often turned over in being exhausted. In this moment I´ve got a good sense of ” being here ” and also becoming ” I am ” – but this light and clear impulse is very short, as if I can ” be here ” only for some glimpses. Mostly I turn over into ” thinking”, building up new constucts.
This is great: Notice that no construct is ever completely finished! I like this and my narcissism have to live with this acknowledge.
Arthur