Photo: ‘The Telling Currents’ by manfredrichter – Pixabay
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I’ve watched the currents of so many personal stories over time that looking back seems like peering into an aquarium filled with liquid. In the stream of stories, I get the feeling I’m like a fish swimming in them, not ordinarily aware of my submersion from moment to bubble moment. I catch myself at different times, like when driving; navigating somewhere, on my way, as background and landmarks come in and out of focus. I’m carried along by the currents of my own bubbles of desires and avoiding, enthralled with making meaning by matching stories. Sometimes these ‘tellings’ uncover springs emerging from deeper origins, closer to their source; tales of justification, tales that have been used to authenticate a current story: “I should do this.“ But, when it’s time to do it, I shrink from doing the task, because another story-bubble emerges asking, “What if I fail?“ Fear of failure stories conflict with stories about the need to face fears. Inner dialogue circles like a gathering whirlpool confining focus and sapping energy around values of ‘should’ and ‘should not’; all revolving around ‘me’, the me who is a ‘gathering story’ from one moment into the next.
At some point, perhaps weary of feeling compressed, thankfully there’s a loosening, a calming of the waters. Focus is widened, space is available, stories like strong undercurrents dissipate, or lead to other possibilities, stories that allow for both the previous competing stories are more accommodating stories: “What if you don’t fail, and succeed instead?” or “What if you fail and learn something valuable by failing?“ So, opening space by inquiring deeper into my thinking, my internal dialogue, seems to shift perspective to a different and more spacious and allowing level where other possibilities can be narrated. I notice an open feeling at the center of the rippling flow of stories… swimming in stories, I also become the space the stories seem to flow within.
DavidÂ
