In the last post I told about my black heart, a heart with a black wall , made out of rocks of a volcano. In a meditation-workshop (Heart-Prayer of the Greec Orthodox Christians, in German: “Herzensgebet”) there was an exercise to let light come into the body and I guided this light like in a TSK-exercise. After this exercise it seemed to me, that the wall had changed into a black cape. I thought: o.k., now I can take off the cape, when I want. Under the cape there was a delicate skin of the heart. – This seems to me a good change on the level of psychotherapy.
But:
I remember, when I look closer to my experiences at that time, (we had to find the centre of the body) I looked for the centre everywhere in the light within the body – there was no centre. I looked beyond the navel, “only” light. Then I felt my heart beating and I decided, to take this as the centre. Later I looked once more, when I made the TSK light exercises. There is not anything what I usual call my “heart” (in a figurative sense). And there was no story about my heart (a heart, covered with rocks.)
There are many questions: What about the heart, when I “work” with light. Is my “heart” the centre of the “I”? I think in this direction, because my “heart” can be felt hurt, I want to protect it, I want to have a centre and it should be the heart.
And I become frightened, when there would be no “heartily personality”, when the “heart” in a figurative sense will be only a construct, may be, like the “I”. Â
..The readings for this week are (for me) very precious. It seems also important to me, to read some sentences very carfully, to read them repeatedly.Â
 Peter (Ludwig).
