Facing fear with lights

I chose an ordinary situation of ‘not-knowing’ and confusion to work with the practices 32- and 32-B. I went for a blood test in a lab of clinical analysis. As I was waiting I could feel some fear- very subtle and almost imperceptible but it was there. I became critical with myself: how can I be fearful of such ordinary and very simple kind of test? But my fear seemed impervious to any argument-as if it had an independent life. Then I experimented with exercise 32. Lights were very revealing: they showed an intense activity inside me difficult to describe. In fact, the word “fear” does not convey the reddish dynamic rays of heat moving all around me. I could realize that my eyes were clouded- I did not have any clarity of vision concerning the ‘outside’ world. After assessing this inner state I ‘called’ again the lights trying to follow the instruction of letting them appear by themselves. Now clarity pervaded inner and outer space and I could see by myself (not by imposing any argument as before) that there was nothing outside actually threatening me – I could relax a little bit more into that very moment and stay in the moment, one moment at a time. So by cultivating this luminescent quality into an ordinary ‘not-knowing’ situation ‘things’ actually changed and the experience was more nurturing than usual. Usually, I would go into the lab feeling tense and would leave at the end of the test feeling relieved- no kind of knowledge would be added to the experience.
Marcia